about
  • ๐ŸŒˆ ์„ธ์ƒ ๋›ฐ์–ด ๋„˜๊ธฐ, ์žฅ์ƒ
  • ๐ŸŒบ goodreads / letterboxd
  • ๐Ÿช since 2010. 03. 29โ€‹ / ๐ŸŽ—โ€‹
  • Choke / Chuck Palahniuk



    It seemed that moment would last forever. That you had to risk your life to get love. You had to get right to the edge of death to ever be saved.



    For serious, the Mommy told him, โ€œArt never comes from happiness.โ€



    This is the deluded little rube who really thought the future would be any better. If you just worked hard enough. If you just learned enough. Ran fast enough. Everything would turn out right, and your life would amount to something.



    The only funny part about Colonial Dunsboro is maybe itโ€™s too authentic, but for all the wrong reasons. This whole crowd of losers and nutcases who hide out here because they canโ€™t make it in the real world, in real jobsโ€”isnโ€™t this why we left England in the first place? To establish our own alternate reality. Werenโ€™t the Pilgrims pretty much the crackpots of their time? For sure, instead of just wanting to believe something different about Godโ€™s love, the losers I work with want to find salvation through compulsive behaviors.



    The monkey and the chestnuts. And it calmed the stupid little shit right down. It showed him how brave and strong and happy a person could become. How torture is torture and humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer.



    Then she turns on the television, some soap opera, you know, real people pretending to be fake people with made-up problems being watched by real people to forget their real problems.



    The one beautiful woman reprograms the amnesia woman into thinking sheโ€™s a killer robot that must do the beautiful womanโ€™s bidding. The killer robot accepts her new identity so easy you have to wonder if sheโ€™s just faking the amnesia and was always looking for a good reason to go on a killing spree.



    Denny says, โ€œbut someday, Iโ€™d like to live a life based on doing good stuff instead of just not doing bad stuff. You know?โ€



    Itโ€™s a homegrown version of those overseas childrenโ€™s charities. These are the ones where for the price of a cup of coffee, you could save a childโ€™s life. Be a sponsor. The hook is you canโ€™t just save somebodyโ€™s life one time. People are having to save me again and again. The same as real life, there is no happily ever after.



    You learn all this during Physical Examination, your second year in medical school. You learn all this, and thereโ€™s no going back. Ignorance was bliss.



    After you find out all the things that can go wrong, your life becomes less about living and more about waiting. For cancer. For dementia. Every look in a mirror, you scan for the red rash that means shingles. See also: Ringworm.



    โ€œI donโ€™t know,โ€ Denny says. โ€œA babyโ€™s not like having a dog. I mean, a baby lives a long time, dude.โ€



    Itโ€™s not a big deal, the way Dr. Marshall sees it. We do it every day. Kill the unborn to save the elderly. In the gold wash of the chapel, breathing her reasons into my ear, she asked, every time we burn a gallon of gas or an acre of rain forest, arenโ€™t we killing the future to preserve the present?



    Even if guys said they were just looking to lose some weight, they wanted sex. If they wanted to quit smoking. Manage stress. Quit biting their nails. Cure hiccups. Stop drinking. Clear up their skin. Whatever the issue, it was because they werenโ€™t getting laid. Whatever they said they wanted, theyโ€™d get sex here and the problem was solved.



    She set them up on a date with their subconscious because nothing is as good as you can imagine it. No one is as beautiful as she is in your head. Nothing is as exciting as your fantasy.



    โ€œI figure if Eve could get us into this mess, then I can get us out,โ€ the Mommy said. โ€œGod really likes to see a go-getter.โ€



    Language, she said, was just our way to explain away the wonder and the glory of the world. To deconstruct. To dismiss. She said people canโ€™t deal with how beautiful the world really is. How it canโ€™t be explained and understood.



    To kill an unborn baby. I said, even if I wasnโ€™t him, I still didnโ€™t think Jesus would approve. โ€œOf course he would,โ€ Paige said. She snapped the string to flick a lump of tooth jam at me. โ€œDidnโ€™t God sacrifice his own son to save people? Isnโ€™t that the story?โ€ Here it is again, the fine line between science and sadism. Between a crime and a sacrifice. Between murdering your own child and what Abraham almost did to Isaac in the Bible.



    If you can change the way people think, she said. The way they see themselves. The way they see the world. If you do that, you can change the way people live their lives. And thatโ€™s the only lasting thing you can create.



    Besides deforming the poor chickens, these fourth-graders, they all walk in here carrying some germ. Itโ€™s no mystery why Dennyโ€™s always wiping his nose and coughing. Head lice, pin-worms, chlamydia, ringwormโ€”for serious, these field trip kids are the pint-sized horsemen of the apocalypse.



    Instead of useful Pilgrim crap, I tell them how their playground game ring-around-a-rosy is based on the bubonic plague of 1665. (โ€ฆ)  And I ask them, hey kids, can anybody here tell me how people in the eighteenth century used to abuse naked little boys to death. This always gets their attention.



    and for sure she thought it would turn into something romantic, but hey. Me being face deep in her wonderful rubbery butt, itโ€™s amazing what a woman will read into it if you by accident say, I love you. Ten times out of ten, a guy means I love this.



    Here, Iโ€™m supposed to tell her the truth. I admire addicts. In a world where everybody is waiting for some blind, random disaster or some sudden disease, the addict has the comfort of knowing what will most likely wait for him down the road. Heโ€™s taken some control over his ultimate fate, and his addiction keeps the cause of his death from being a total surprise.



    The airline canโ€™t ask you to prove youโ€™re crazy, the Mommy said. It would be discrimination. You wouldnโ€™t ask a blind person to prove they were blind.




    ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์—๊ฒŒ๋Š” ์ ˆ๋Œ€๋กœ ์ถ”์ฒœํ•ด ์ค„ ์ˆ˜ ์—†์„ 'Guts'์˜ ์ถ”์žก์Šค๋Ÿฌ์›€์— ๋Œ๋ ค์„œ ํŒ”๋ผ๋‹‰์˜ ์†Œ์„ค๋“ค์— ๋” ์žฌ๋ฏธ๋ฅผ ๋ถ™์—ฌ ๋ณด๋ ค๊ณ  ํ–ˆ์ง€๋งŒ Choke๊นŒ์ง€ ์ฝ๊ณ  ๋‚œ ๋’ค ๋‚ด๊ฐ€ ๋‚ด๋ฆฐ ๊ฒฐ๋ก ์€ ์ด ์ž‘๊ฐ€์˜ ๋ฌธ์ฒด๊ฐ€ ๋‚˜๋ž‘ ์•ˆ ๋งž๋Š”๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด๋‹ค. Fight Club์„ ์ฒ˜์Œ ์ฝ์—ˆ์„ ๋•Œ๋„ ๊ฐ™์€ ์ƒ๊ฐ์„ ํ–ˆ์ง€๋งŒ ์ด ๋•Œ๋งŒ ํ•ด๋„ ์˜ํ™”์˜ ์—ฐ์ถœ์ด ํ™”๋ คํ–ˆ๊ธฐ์— ์†Œ์„ค์€ ์ƒ๋Œ€์ ์œผ๋กœ ๊ทธ๋งŒํผ์˜ ์žฌ๋ฏธ๊ฐ€ ๋Š๊ปด์ง€์ง€ ์•Š๋‚˜๋ณด๋‹ค ํ–ˆ๊ณ , ๋„ˆ๋ฌด ์ง€๋ฃจํ•ด์„œ 1๋…„ ๊ฐ€๊นŒ์ด ์ง„๋„๋ฅผ ๋ชป ๋‚˜๊ฐ€๊ณ  ์žˆ๋Š” Damned์˜ ๊ฒฝ์šฐ ๊ธ€์„ ์“ฐ๋‹ค๋ณด๋ฉด ์กธ์ž‘ ํ•˜๋‚˜์ฏค์€ ๋‚˜์˜ค๋Š” ๊ฑฐ์ง€ ๋ญ... ๋ผ๋ฉฐ ๋„˜์–ด๊ฐ”๋Š”๋ฐ ์ด์ฏค ๋˜๋‹ˆ ํŒ”๋ผ๋‹‰ ์†Œ์„ค๋“ค์€ ์• ์ดˆ๋ถ€ํ„ฐ ๋”๋Ÿฌ์šด ์ปฌํŠธ๋ฌผ์„ ๋น™์žํ•œ ์ง€๋ฃจํ•œ ์ผ์ƒ๋ฌผ์ธ ๋ชจ์–‘์ด๋‹ค. 

    ์ผ์ƒ๋ฌผ์„ ๊นŒ๋‚ด๋ฆฌ๋ ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์€ ์•„๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. '๋“ฑ๋Œ€๋กœ'๋‚˜ '์†Œ์„ค๊ฐ€ ๊ตฌ๋ณด์”จ์˜ ์ผ์ผ' ๊ฐ™์€ ์†Œ์„ค๋“ค์€ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ ์‚ถ๋งŒํผ์ด๋‚˜ ๋‹จ์กฐ๋กœ์›€์—๋„ ๊ทธ ๋•Œ๋ฌธ์— ๊ณต๊ฐ์ด ๊ฐ€๊ณ  ํฅ๋ฏธ๊ฐ€ ๋Š๊ปด์ง„๋‹ค. ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ํŒ”๋ผ๋‹‰์€ ์• ์ดˆ์— ๋…์ž์—๊ฒŒ ์ž์‹ ์ด ์„ฌ์„ธํ•˜๊ฒŒ ๊ด€์ฐฐํ•œ ์ผ์ƒ์„ ๋ณด์—ฌ์ฃผ๋Š” ์ž‘๊ฐ€๊ฐ€ ์•„๋‹ˆ๋ผ ์ž๊ทน์ ์ธ ์ปฌํŠธ ์˜ํ™” ๊ฐ™์€ ์†Œ์„ค์„ ๊ธฐ๋Œ€ํ•˜๊ฒŒ ๋งŒ๋“œ๋Š” ์ž‘๊ฐ€๋‹ค. ๊ทธ๋Ÿฐ๋ฐ ์ •์ž‘ ๋…์ž๋“ค์ด ๊ธฐ๋Œ€ํ•˜๋Š” ์ถ”์žก์Šค๋Ÿฌ์šด ์ด์•ผ๊ธฐ๋Š” ์›์ฒด ์‹œ์›ํ•˜๊ฒŒ ํ„ฐ๋œจ๋ ค ์ฃผ์ง€๋ฅผ ์•Š๊ณ  ๋ณ„ ๊ด€์‹ฌ์ด ๊ฐ€์ง€๋„ ์•Š๋Š” ์ฃผ์ธ๊ณต์˜ ๋„ˆ์ €๋ถ„ํ•œ ์ธ์ƒ ์–˜๊ธฐ๋งŒ ๋˜ํ’€์ด๋˜๋‹ˆ ์ด ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์ด ์–ธ์ œ ํด๋ผ์ด๋ง‰์Šค๋ฅผ ํ„ฐ๋œจ๋ฆด์ง€ ์• ๊ฐ„์žฅ๋งŒ ํƒœ์šฐ๋‹ค๊ฐ€ ๋๋‚˜๊ณ  ๋งŒ๋‹ค. (๊ทธ๋ ‡๋‹ค๊ณ  ์ด ์†Œ์„ค์ด ์ž๊ทน์ ์ด์ง€ ์•Š๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฑด ์•„๋‹ˆ๊ณ ... ์ œ๋ชฉ์—์„œ ๋™๋–จ์–ด์ง„ ์†Œ์žฌ๋กœ ์ž๊ทน์ ์ธ ์ด์•ผ๊ธฐ๋ฅผ ํ•˜๋‹ˆ ์ง€๋ฃจํ•˜๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฑฐ๋‹ค. ๋‚˜๋Š” ์ฃผ์ธ๊ณต์ด ์ œ๋ชฉ 'Choke'์— ๊ฑธ๋งž๊ฒŒ ๊ฒŒ์†ํ•ด์„œ ์งˆ์‹ํ•˜๊ณ  ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์˜ ๋™์ •์„ ์‚ฌ๊ณ ์ž ํ•˜๋Š” ์ด์•ผ๊ธฐ๋ฅผ ๋“ฃ๊ณ  ์‹ถ์—ˆ์ง€, ์ฝ๊ธฐ๋งŒ ํ•ด๋„ ๋น„์œ„๊ฐ€ ์ƒํ•˜๋Š” ์ฃผ์ธ๊ณต์˜ ์„ฑ์ƒํ™œ์—๋Š” ์กฐ๊ธˆ๋„ ๊ด€์‹ฌ์ด ์—†์—ˆ๋‹ค...)

    ์ด ์†Œ์„ค์˜ ๊ฐ€์žฅ ํฐ ๊ฒฐํ•จ์€ ํŒŒ์ดํŠธ ํด๋Ÿฝ์—์„œ ๋ฐœ์ „ํ•œ ์ ์ด ์กฐ๊ธˆ๋„ ์—†๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฑฐ๋‹ค. ๊ฐ™์€ ์ž‘๊ฐ€๊ฐ€ ์“ด ์†Œ์„ค๋“ค์ด ์„œ๋กœ ๋น„์Šทํ•œ ๋ฌธ์ฒด, ๋น„์Šทํ•œ ๋ถ„์œ„๊ธฐ๋ฅผ ๋ณด์ด๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์€ ๋‹น์—ฐํ•œ ์ผ์ด์ง€๋งŒ, ๊ทธ๋ ‡๋”๋ผ๋„ ์†Œ์„ค ํ•˜๋‚˜ํ•˜๋‚˜ ์ธ์ƒ์„ ๋‚จ๊ธธ ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š” ๋…์ž์ ์ธ ๋Š๋‚Œ์„ ๊ฐ–์ถ”๊ณ  ์žˆ๊ธฐ ๋งˆ๋ จ์ธ๋ฐ Choke์˜ ๋ฌธ์žฅ๋“ค์€ ํŒŒ์ดํŠธ ํด๋Ÿฝ์„ ๊ทธ๋Œ€๋กœ ๋ณต์‚ฌํ•œ ๋’ค ์ด๋ฆ„์ด๋ž‘ ์„ค์ • ๋ช‡ ๊ฐ€์ง€๋งŒ ๋ฐ”๊พผ ๊ฒƒ๋งˆ๋ƒฅ ์Šคํƒ€์ผ์ด ๋„ˆ๋ฌด ๋˜‘๊ฐ™์•„์„œ ๋” ์‹์ƒํ•˜๋‹ค. Victor์˜ ์–ด๋จธ๋‹ˆ๋Š” ์•„์˜ˆ ํƒ€์ผ๋Ÿฌ ๋”๋“ ์„ ์„ฑ์ „ํ™˜ ์‹œํ‚จ ๋ฒ„์ „์ด๋‚˜ ๋‹ค๋ฆ„์—†๊ณ  Victor์˜ ๋งํˆฌ๋Š” ํŒŒ์ดํŠธ ํด๋Ÿฝ์˜ ํ™”์ž์™€ ํก์‚ฌํ•˜๋‹ค. ๊ทธ๋“ค๋งŒ์˜ ๋งค๋ ฅ์ด ์ „ํ˜€ ์—†๋‹ค. ํŒŒ์ดํŠธ ํด๋Ÿฝ์€ ๊ทธ๋‚˜๋งˆ๋„ ๋”๋Ÿฌ์šด ์ž๋ณธ์ฃผ์˜ ์‚ฌํšŒ๋ฅผ ํŒŒ๊ดดํ•˜๊ฒ ๋‹ค!๋ผ๋Š” ํƒ€์ผ๋Ÿฌ ๋”๋“ ์˜ ์‹ ๋…์œผ๋กœ ํ†ต์พŒํ•จ์ด๋ผ๋„ ๋Š๋ผ๊ฒŒ ํ•ด ์ฃผ๋Š”๋ฐ, Choke๋Š” ๊ณ ๊ตฌ๋งˆ๋งŒ ๋จน์ด๋‹ค๊ฐ€ ๊ฟ€๊ฟ€ํ•˜๊ฒŒ ๊ฒฐ๋ง์„ ๋งบ๊ณ  ๋งŒ๋‹ค.

    ๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์ด๊ฑด ๊ฐœ์ธ์ ์ธ ๊ฒฌํ•ด์ด์ง€๋งŒ... ์ตœ๊ทผ ๋ช‡ ๋…„ ์‚ฌ์ด ์‹œ๋ฅ˜๊ฐ€ ํฌ๊ฒŒ ๋ณ€ํ•˜๋ฉด์„œ ๋‚˜ ์—ญ์‹œ ์ฑ…์ด๋‚˜ ์˜ํ™”๋ฅผ ๋ณผ ๋•Œ ์ •์น˜์  ์˜ฌ๋ฐ”๋ฆ„์ด ์ ์ ˆํ•˜๊ฒŒ ์ ์šฉ๋˜์—ˆ๋Š”๊ฐ€๋ฅผ ๋งŽ์ด ๋”ฐ์ง€๊ฒŒ ๋˜์—ˆ๋Š”๋ฐ, Choke๋Š” ์—ฌ์„ฑ๊ด€์— ์žˆ์–ด์„œ๋งŒํผ์€ ์ตœ์•…์˜ ์ˆ˜์ค€์„ ๋‹ฌ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ์†Œ์„ค์ด๋‹ค. 'filmbro', 'toxic masculinity'๋ฅผ ๊น” ๋•Œ๋งˆ๋‹ค ๊ผญ ์–ธ๊ธ‰๋˜๋Š” ์˜ํ™” ํŒŒ์ดํŠธ ํด๋Ÿฝ์˜ ์›์ž‘์ž๊ฐ€ ์“ด ์ฑ…์ธ๋ฐ๋‹ค ์ƒ‰์ •๊ด‘ ์ฃผ์ธ๊ณต์ด ๋“ฑ์žฅํ•˜๋‹ˆ ์ฑ…์—์„œ ์ •์ƒ์ ์ธ ์ด์„ฑ๊ด€์ด ๋ฌ˜์‚ฌ๋˜๊ธฐ๋ฅผ ๊ธฐ๋Œ€ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฑด ์–ด๋ฆฌ์„์€ ์ง“์ด์ง€๋งŒ ์ ์–ด๋„ ๋…์„œ์—์„œ ์ •์‹ ์  ์•ˆ์ •์„ ์ทจํ•˜๊ณ ์ž ํ•˜๋Š” ๋‚˜์—๊ฒŒ๋Š” ์ฃผ์ธ๊ณต๋†ˆ์ด ์ผ๋ฒ ์ถฉ์Šค๋Ÿฌ์šด ๋ง๋“ค์„ ๋Š˜์–ด๋†“์„ ๋•Œ๋งˆ๋‹ค ๋ฌด์ฒ™์ด๋‚˜ ๋ถˆํŽธํ•˜๊ฒŒ ๋Š๊ปด์กŒ๋‹ค.

    ์ด์ œ๋Š” ์—ฝ๊ธฐ์ ์ธ ์†Œ์„ค์ด ๋Œ๋ฆด ๋•Œ ์ฒ™ ํŒ”๋ผ๋‹‰ ๋Œ€์‹  ์–ด๋นˆ ์›ฐ์‹œ๋ฅผ ์ฐพ๊ฒŒ ๋  ๊ฒƒ ๊ฐ™๋‹ค. 



    yunicorn